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Murder of Self-Doubt

"Murder of Self-Doubt", self-portrait October 2022

When I was in college I had a photography professor that made me want to quit forever. He never missed an opportunity to tell me I was wrong, even if what he was asking for was my opinion, and I usually left his class crying. I was a sensitive young artist but even now that I have more perspective, I truly think he let his own personal opinions and pride get in the way of his teaching.

He liked to focus on the meaning behind images, and for one of the projects we were assigned I decided to go all in and make it super meaningful and personal so that he couldn't say anything negative about what I had created. Well as you can expect I was wrong. I was so excited about my concept I had called it "Self-Doubt" (ironic I know) and was loving the way it was turning out. He told me it was “predictable and boring”. I was quite honestly crushed. So I abandoned the project, chose something else that I considered boring but would be good enough to get a passing grade (spoiler- he ended up really liking that project).

Looking back its obvious the original image is not a the greatest photograph to ever exist but I still stand by what I created, I wouldn't call it predictable or boring. I started this project wanting to use that image as inspiration and show how much I have grown.

Today, I am by no means impervious to self-doubt but when compared to who I used to be I am proud to acknowledge my growth. While I still love the original picture this new image is one I’m really proud of.

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